Learning to Stop, Breathe, and Respond: Lessons from Linda’s Recovery Story
I Have the Answers
“I spent my life as a helper. I had a very analytical mind. I would assess a situation and then make things happen to fix whatever the problem was,” Linda said. “What I never did was assess myself. Wow, that can be a rude awakening!”
Linda’s life began with a close, happy family, who were always there for each other. Professionally, she was drawn to a career which included being an early childhood educator with Wayne/Medina Community Action. She then slid over to the social service area of the agency where she worked with families and seniors who needed help navigating life and systems. Her life was well organized, just as she had planned it, until she suddenly found herself with too much on her plate.
Filling Up Her Plate
First, she brought her mother in to live with her. As her mother aged, she worried about her being alone and falling. It was a natural move for Linda as she and her mom were always very close. This change was for the good. However, in 2018, her world was turned on its ear.
“I had a grandson and a granddaughter who were living with their mom, my youngest daughter. She wasn’t much of a mother. She slept all day, abused drugs, and really neglected her children. I worked with Children’s Services and through the Kinship Care Program, I was able to bring both my 3 and 4-year-old grandchildren into my home where I could give them consistent care and love. We worked hard to get them both to a really good place. Because reunification is always the top priority with Children’s Services, both children were returned to their mother after three years. While I argued with the agency about the decision to allow their mother to take them back, I felt they didn’t listen to me.”
It wasn’t until her grandson was 8 years old that his mother sent him back to grandma as she claimed, ‘she could no longer deal with him.’
“Here was this eight-year-old boy who had been caring for his 7-year-old sister. His neglect and abuse had turned him into an angry child who had consistent outbursts that were so hard to manage,” Linda recounted. “He would scream for hours upon hours. He would throw things, and I sometimes would have to restrain him to help calm him down. He would refuse to go to bed at night, and I would stay up too late and find that I was unable to live up to my own expectations at my job the next day. I couldn’t go out to dinner with my family or get out of the house with my significant other because no one would babysit him. I seemed to be the only one who could settle him down.”
Checking Out
Linda felt trapped with no way out. So, one day, she put her grandson on the bus and decided to find a way to ‘check out’.
“I totally caved in,” Linda said. “I came back in the house and poured myself a drink. And then I poured myself another drink and another and another, I followed it up with a nap so I could sober up in time to get my grandson off the bus. This pattern continued for two days straight.”
After two days of this, her sister called (probably prompted by Linda’s mother.) She went into action by calling Linda’s boyfriend. He promptly called Linda and recognized that she was in trouble.
“He told me I needed to go to the hospital to detox,” Linda recalled. “I told him that was unnecessary because I had only gotten drunk for two days and I could come back on my own. But he insisted that I needed to go and told me that they would just give me a shot and let me go home. That’s how they tricked me into going to the hospital where I was quickly admitted and told that I could have died because of the amount of alcohol I had consumed.”
While I was in the hospital, my sister proceeded to call my grandson’s mother, my daughter, who in turn showed up at Linda’s house. Her grandson went manic upon seeing his mother and without Linda there to calm him down, they had to call for emergency backup. Her grandson was transported to the hospital where Linda’s sister stayed by his side.
While Linda was recovering, the social worker came to her and told her they wanted to send her grandson to Belmont. Having had a negative encounter with that treatment center before, she fought with them about moving him there.
Making a Connection
“I was so angry! Having had experience with their treatment for him, I knew that was not a place where he was going to get the kind of help I thought he needed,” Linda said. “Just before I was released, I met a representative of OneEighty’s Recovery and Addiction Medicine Program (RAMP) at the hospital. She approached me with her story of recovery and encouraged me to consider reaching out to OneEighty for some help. I was pretty sure that wouldn’t be necessary, but I had the information.”
Linda was permitted to go home, but the calm she felt didn’t last long.
“My sister who had stayed with my grandson when they took him to the hospital had promised him she would return in the morning. But when she went back, he was gone,” Linda said.
At 2:00 a.m. that night, they had transferred her grandson out of the hospital to Belmont. At that moment, she became determined to do whatever it took to get her life back on track so she could bring her grandson back into her care.
Self-Reflection
“I wouldn’t have come to OneEighty had I not met the RAMP advocate. I still didn’t think I had a drug or alcohol problem, just a situational problem,” Linda said. “Boy, was I was wrong! I might have been an analytical person, but I never had done an analysis of myself.”
From the get-go, Linda recalls meeting with a non-judgmental intake staff member followed up by a counselor who made her feel comfortable with going through a process of self-reflection.
“I have learned so much about myself,” Linda says. “I was raised in a very black and white world. I have discovered that there is a lot of gray out there. I also came to realize that my communication skills were very one-sided. As a result, I came across as a bully who could be very intimidating with my ‘my way is right’ attitude.”
Lose the Attitude
No longer feeling that she has to dominate so she can ‘handle things,’ Linda has learned a mantra that reminds her to STOP, BREATHE, and then RESPOND.
“I am in awe with what I have learned. Every day there are light bulbs going on in my head,” Linda reports. “Now I truly listen to others’ ideas. I have gotten off my high horse thinking I was the one who needed to fix everything and project my expectations. Instead of telling people this is the way it has to be, I ask ‘how can I help you or think about this.?”
Her grandson is now at Northcutt Behavioral Facility where she sees him getting so much better. She works with what is known as an Ohio Rise team where a cluster of social service and medical professionals work together to decide on his treatment plan.
“I have backup now. We all work together to find solutions for my grandson. Before, I tried to do everything on my own. I could have reached out to my family or my boyfriend. They would have been there for me. But the old me thought I had to solve everything on my own. My boyfriend, the people at Children’s Services, and family members comment on how much easier it is to work with me now,” she laughed.
She has high hopes that by Christmas, she might be able to bring her beloved grandson home. She’s working with her team to build a network of care for him when he returns home. But her wisdom for others is clear.
“Reach out. Pick up that phone! Don’t wait till you are at that breaking point. Take the opportunity to work with the caring staff at OneEighty to discover who you are and how you can travel the road you chose.”
OneEighty Resources
For those encountering a substance use crisis, please call OneEighty’s Substance Use Crisis hotline, available 24 hours per day, 365 days per year, at 330-466-0678. For other resources, click the links below:
Community Relations & Prevention
Substance Use Treatment Navigator Hotline
Intimate Partner & Domestic Violence booklet (Wayne County)Self-Help Legal Manual
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