Volunteering to Share My Strength

Our judgement concerning what is important in life is most often determined by the life experiences we have as we grow up. For Heather, a 13-year veteran of OneEighty’s Volunteer Hospital Advocate program, addressing the needs of domestic violence victims is a top priority.

Despite her commitment to her large family, which will soon include 13 children—her husband’s children, her own children, and an adopted son—Heather takes her role as a Hospital Advocate very seriously.

“I sign up to be on-call during the night hours because my husband is home with the kids,” Heather said. “When the hospital calls to request sexual assault support, my heart starts racing, and I begin to mentally prepare myself for whatever situation I encounter when I meet the victim. My job is to let that individual know that I am there to provide them with emotional support and whatever information they or their concerned family/friends might need to get through this initial process. Working alongside the Victim Advocate’s Office and the hospital staff, I work to make the victim feel safe, cared for, and in control of their situation.”

LIFE GOES OFF THE RAILS

Spoken like an individual who has diligently worked to assert control over her own destiny. It began at the age of 15 when she was injured in a terrible car accident with her then boyfriend. The car they were in was hit by another car and ended upside down in a creek.

“My neck and my arm were broken. I was put into a halo, forced to drop out of school, and prepare for the much-needed surgery to put a plate in my arm,” she said. “While they were running tests prior to that surgery, they discovered that I was pregnant. My life, or the one I had planned—which included going into medicine—suddenly came off the rails.”

During this dark period of her life, Heather thought her options were to have her baby, marry the father, and begin a new chapter in her life.

“I was young, dumb, and felt forced to choose this path,” Heather recalls. “But my beautiful daughter, and her sister who was born soon after our marriage, truly saved my life. Had it not been for them, the emotional abuse I experienced would have been the end of me.”

Her husband convinced her that ‘no one would want her with two kids.’ He kept her from having outside friends, and then he moved on to physically abuse her. However, when the abuse extended to her daughters, she sought a protection order.

“I did what I have since learned is the cyclical behavior of abuse victims. He kept telling me no one else would want me, and I so desperately wanted my children to have a father. I decided to drop the order and went back to him.”

But by 2005, she recognized what she was doing to her children and finally divorced him. Heather used OneEighty’s help when she was going through this tough time.

“I was an independent person, so I only took advantage of the counseling services and help with getting a protection order. I didn’t move into the shelter.”

LOOKING FOR SERENITY

In 2007, Heather reconnected with a young man she had known before. He came from a solid family and was wonderful with her children. In 2010, they decided to marry. He took her children as his own, and she thought she was on the path to a better life.

“I thought I had made a good choice in this marriage. We had a son and a daughter together, and as time went on, it was almost as if he thought marriage equated to ownership. Mental abuse prevailed, but when he pushed me down the steps with my son in my arms, I knew I had to leave,” she recalled.

Once again, OneEighty was her go-to for support while making her exit. Working 3-4 jobs to keep things going, she kept in touch with a couple that were in her circle of friends when she had been married. She would babysit their children and when Jay, the husband of that couple, saw the lack of support she got from her ex-husband, he became very supportive. When Jay’s marriage fell apart, Heather became his support. As time went on, Jay and Heather became married.

NEW BEGINNINGS

Fast forward to today. The couple are looking forward to their 13^th child. The mix includes his children, her children, whom he has adopted, one on the way, and a young 9^th grader who became homeless when he escaped his abusive parents. 

“I have always wanted to give back for what I received,” Heather stated. This draws us back to her volunteer efforts. “At the time I was looking for help, I told myself that there were other women who had it much worse than I did, so I used what I thought I couldn’t do on my own.”

LOOKING THROUGH A NEW LENS WITH A STRONG BACKBONE

It was during her required Volunteer Hospital Advocacy Training classes through OneEighty, that she saw her life through a different lens.

“I never knew that forced sex within the confines of marriage was considered rape. I kept going back to my abuser, which I now know is typical in the cycle of abuse. My ex-husbands convinced me I was not worth anything to anyone else. Looking back, it kills me to recognize what a doormat I was!”

Each time she leaves her home to meet an assault victim, she steps into the unknown, unsure of what awaits. However, she is confident of her strength and resilience, and will be a calming presence with caring support.

“Each call is different. Once I was there from 11:00 p.m. till 4 a.m. Another time I was there for 8 hours. But each time I go, it’s my job to let them know that I’m here to support them, not to judge them, but to give them strength and share resources. I tell them they are doing the right thing and that their bravery could save someone else’s life,” she concluded.

Her advice to others living life in an abusive environment is clear.

“Don’t hesitate to get help and get out. Believe and trust in yourself!”

If you are interested in becoming a Hospital Advocate for OneEighty, please join us for an open house on Thursday, April 10^th anytime between 4 p.m. and 5:30 p.m.  Hospital Advocates are considered trained volunteers.  An application is required to become a trained volunteer.  After an application has been submitted, OneEigthy’s Volunteer Coordinator will conduct an interview.  Qualified candidates are offered a volunteer position and scheduled for the training sessions. Please review the application by clicking here or contact Dwight Sprang, Volunteer Coordinator, for more information at 330-264-8498.

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